今天Jane给我发了一封标题为“Hahaha”的邮件，摘录了些情人间的潜台词（原出处不详）。我看完后忍俊不禁，特翻译转贴如下：

情人们，你真的听懂了对方在说什么吗？有些时候潜台词和字面的意思正相反……

Yes = No.

是＝不是。

No = Yes.

不是＝是。

Maybe = No.

也许＝不是。

I’m sorry = You’ll be sorry.

对不起＝你才该道歉。

We need = I want.

我们要＝我要。

It’s your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now.

这是你的决定＝很明显，事到如今这才是最佳方案。

Do what you want = You’ll pay for this later.

做你想做的＝之后你会为此付出代价的。

We need to talk = I need to complain.

我们谈一谈吧＝我要抱怨下。

Sure go ahead = I don’t want you to.

大胆往前走＝我可不想你去。

I’m not upset = Of course I’m upset, you moron!

我没有生气＝我当然生气了，你这个笨蛋！

You’re so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot.

你真有男人味＝你该刮胡子了，还有你这身臭汗。

You’re certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?

你今晚真专注＝你满脑子都是性吗？

Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs.

关上灯浪漫些＝我的大腿松垮跨的。

This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house.

这个厨房真不方便＝我要间新房。

I want new curtains = and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper.

我要新窗帘＝还有新地毯、家具和墙纸。

Hang the picture there = NO, I mean hang it there!

把画挂在那里＝不，我的意思是挂那儿！

I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep.

我听到一些声音＝我发现你快睡着了。

Do you love me? = I’m going to ask for something expensive.

你爱我吗？＝我想你买给我些贵东西。

How much do you love me? = I did something today you’re really not going to like.

你有多爱我？＝今天我做了件你很讨厌的事。

I’ll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV.

我一会儿就好＝脱掉你的鞋，看看有什么好的电视节目。

Is my butt fat? = Tell me I’m beautiful.(but is the bottom, you also can call it ban.)

我屁股大吗？＝说我很漂亮（这样说是最起码的，你也可奉它为旨。）

You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me.

你必须要学下如何沟通＝你只要照我说的做

Are you listening to me!? =　Too late, you’re dead.

你在听我说吗！？＝太晚了，你死定了。

Was that the baby? = Why don’t you get out of bed （[俚]清早一起就发脾气, 急躁不愉快, 心绪不好）and walk him until he goes to sleep.

他是个孩子？＝你为什么不从早到晚对他发脾气？

I’m not yelling! = Yes I am yelling because I think this is important.

我没有嚷嚷＝是的，我在嚷嚷，因为我觉得这很重要。

The same old thing = Nothing.

还是老问题＝没事。

Nothing = Everything.

没什么＝所有

Everything = My PMS is acting up.

所有事＝我来月经了。

Nothing, really = It’s just that you’re such an asshole

真的，没事＝你真他妈的是个杂种。